Dear Peter Parker,

This is ironic, to say the least. I never thought I’d write a letter to specifically you. (No offense.) I thought I’d be writing this to the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe, gushing over every single movie in excruciating detail.

But then I realized: I don’t really have a super-personal connection to any other movies except the two Spider-Man movies (Homecoming and Far from Home). And after thinking about why for a little while, I realized that it’s because of you.

Let me explain.


When I watched Spider-Man: Homecoming for the first time, I had just created my pen name, I was still new to blogging, and I was fresh from completing my first ever rough draft of a book with some potential. I was in the beginning stages of . . . well, pretty much everything.

It was a little overwhelming, to say the least. That summer, upon completion of said rough draft, self-doubt came calling, which was not fun.

And then Peter Parker came into my life: a sixteen-year-old nerd with a secret he hid from pretty much everyone. He went by an alias in the superhero world and spent his afternoons fighting petty crime.

I could almost completely relate to you. (The small part of unrelatability is the “fighting petty crime” part. I have no desire to ever try that.) Sure, I’d read a few books about superhero teenagers, but none of them fit me - not even the nerds. They were just too smart, and they already seemed super mature for their age.

But you were just a kid - a nerdy, geeky kid who never really was super strong (well, at least before the spider bite).

And you also had an alter ego with somewhat of an Internet presence. You did stuff after school that you could never really tell anyone, because, to an extent, they wouldn’t understand.

Similarly, it’s really hard to explain why you run a book and writing blog under a pen name to a classmate. XD Not to mention it’s extremely awkward, because they probably don’t like books. And telling people “I want to be an author” is almost worse. The dreaded comment of “You know you can’t make much money writing” comes up, with the insinuation of “You should maybe pick another career.”


I think the moment I truly realized just how much I related to you was when Spider-Man: Far from Home released. I went to see it in theaters while on vacation (which was pretty cool, actually).

While I loved the villain and thought the action scenes were super cool, there was one part in particular that really hit home: your constant self-doubt.

You worried all the time that you’d never be able to measure up to Iron Man. You were never sure if you were making the right choices or not, and when you made a choice you believed in, it turned out to be wrong. And that just made the self doubt worse. It was a nasty cycle.

There are quite a few characters with self-doubt, but this portrayal of it really hit home. I’ve never been confident with my writing, and when I think I’m taking a story in the right direction, I’ll find out later that it’s a complete and utter mess.

But you eventually made me realize that I’m never going to become the next Iron Man of writing. All I can do is what God has given me to do. And that’s enough.


I don’t exactly know what I’m trying to get at here. There are tons of superhero films featuring people with alter egos, and there are tons of teen protagonists with self-doubt. I don’t know why these two films are any different.

I guess what I’m trying to say is. . . .

Thank you, Marvel, for giving me a teen superhero I could relate to.

Thank you, Peter Parker, for making me feel I’m not alone.

-Nicole <3

(This is the start of a new series on my blog, where I talk about fandoms that mean a lot to me. I don't know if you'll enjoy it or not, but I find it therapeutic. XD)


Dear Star Wars,

Hi.

It's kind of bittersweet for me to write this, because The Rise of Skywalker is coming out soon, and that's the last of your movies. (Well, probably. XD)

You know, for most of the fandoms I'm in, there's a before-during-after moment. One second I don't know the giant plot twist, the next my emotions are in shambles, and the next it's like I've always known.

But not with you.

It's like my entire life is the after moment. Darth Vader being Luke's father has always been a fact of life for me. I have no memory of a gigantic shock moment when watching it. I can't remember a time when I hadn't watched A New Hope.

You were my first fandom. My first story obsession. And quite possibly, the thing that got me into telling stories in the first place.

Okay, so that last one might be a little extreme, but do you remember how much Star Wars fanfiction I came up with? It was kind of insane.


When I look back at younger-me, watching the original trilogy over and over (and skipping the first thirty or so minutes of A New Hope, because Padawan Me couldn't bear to see the burning house), there's one particular character that sticks out: Luke Skywalker.

Here was a character that, even though so much older than me (at the time), I could relate to! A character that was definitely flawed, that struggled to do the right thing and to be strong and to hope, but who pushed through and won against the evil in the world. (And, as I would learn later, he was an INFP, which further cements my Myers-Briggs testing, but that's a story for another day.)

Most of my favorite characters in my Star Wars fanfiction were based off of Luke or were Luke himself.

And then, when I was in about first or second grade, I took one of these Luke adaptations and created the first character that I truly loved. Years and years later, I still want to write that character's story.


When I heard that there would be new Star Wars movies coming out - in my lifetime - to say I was excited was an understatement. I had thought that the series was finished. I never thought that I'd be able to see an all-new Star Wars movie, with new plot twists and adventures, in a movie theater. That had been my parents' experience, but not mine.

I ended up going to see The Force Awakens three times. Everything about it was incredible and amazing and beautiful. I still cry every time - especially at that ending.

And then The Last Jedi came out and I saw . . . once. XD It was okay, I guess. *shrugs* To be honest, I wasn't really a fan, and I didn't really like how some characters were portrayed. But you know what, no series is perfect. except for LOTR, which is basically actual perfection

And here we are. The Rise of Skywalker is mere days from being released, and I know that no matter how good or bad this movie is, I'll still cry at the end, because it's the end of the movie trilogies that started it all for me.



So, Star Wars . . .

Thank you. :)

May the Force be with you,
Nicole <3