Heyyyyy, it’s the first monthly wrap-up post in 2019! yes, I still am milking the "new year" thing here

This one might be a bit long, but I’ll try to condense two months into a relatively concise post. Wish me luck.

Because a TON of stuff happened this month.



Honestly, I didn’t have much of a life in January. Once school started, my time was filled with homework and studying.

However, two really exciting things happened in January that I think I should mention.

- I saw Anastasia! I’d never listened to the soundtrack before, so it was an entirely new experience. The acting and singing were spot-on, and the scenery was so cool! (But I still like Hamilton better . . . #sorrynotsorry)
- I got really big into “getting neater” and started a bullet journal! I’ll probably do a post on it in the summer, when I’m more experienced, but suffice it to say: it is the SLOPPIEST THING IN EXISTENCE. (It doesn’t help that all the YouTubers I watch are super neat and artistic, and I just can’t relate at all.)

As for February . . . well, the biggest thing that happened was that I went on a Band trip TO DISNEY.

I’m honestly not a big Disney fan - I didn’t grow up on the movies, and I typically would rather watch anything else. But this trip was SO FUN. And of course, here’s the necessary photo dump:













It was super hot and exhausting, but awesome as well! 10/10 recommend for Magic Kingdom alone.

But anyways. Back to the wrap-up.

The Flash: Season One. I finished it on the bus to Disney and maaayyy have just started crying right there. This show is SO GOOD. Also, I stinking LOVE Cisco. (Sadly, I can’t really recommend this show because of content; if you’re curious, feel free to message me or ask in the comments.)

The Ilyon Chronicles. I reread the first book in January (???) and posted a Goodreads review, so I’m not going to go into much detail here. But I LOVE JACE AND KYRIN AND JAYRIN TO DEATH. If that ship doesn’t sail . . . *starts plotting*

Mistborn. Okay . . . so if you want to know my thoughts on this book, visit my Goodreads. The first two books were STUNNING, but the third one was . . . less than so. (Does that mean I will stop fangirling over resident bookworm Elend? HECK NO)

So, as you already know, I spent all of January trying to finish a story I was writing. I already wrote a post about it, so I’m not going to go into detail here.

But in February . . . well, I pretty much did nothing writing-related. :( I outlined the first book of the Inhumans trilogy (which was kind of pointless - I already know the plotline). I’m hoping that during the last couple days I’ll figure out which book I should send in to Realm Makers to get critiqued. (I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’m not sure I’ll be pitching at RM: I’m just not physically or mentally ready for that quite yet...)

I’m hoping that in March I can get writing moving along - for the first time this year. My word, Nicole.....


(Now, in other wrap-up posts, this would be the part where I list my blog posts of the month, and then list some of my favorites. But this is covering TWO MONTHS and honestly I don’t have the patience to put them all there. If you really want to see my posts, the archives are just off to the right. —>)

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I’m cutting this wrap-up off a bit early because I have an exciting announcement.

ON MARCH 25, I’M CELEBRATING MY ONE-YEAR BLOGOVERSARY.

*screaming*

I’ll say more about this when the date actually comes. But I’m so excited!!!!

The reason I’m bringing this up is because:

I’m doing a Q&A post!

So, I’m going to take this moment at the end here to ask for your questions! Ask anything - books, movies, life, Hamilton, strawberry Pop-Tarts, writing, or anything else you can come up with! I’ll probably stop accepting comments about a week before the actual blogoversary, but I haven’t decided that yet either.

I’ll turn it over to you! Ask away! And have a wonderful March!

-Nicole

I’m not exactly sure what this post is going to be. I’m literally typing it on a bus, so that’s why it’s so unformatted. Sorry about that.

Also, I may have already posted something similar to this. I don’t remember. But if I did: shhhh.

But anyways. I have a lot of rambly thoughts about this.

So, I’ve been trying to write a story for the past . . . oh gosh, I think I started it back in June for the 100-4-100 challenge. :1 Great. It took me just over seven months to write a 55k first draft.

It wasn’t necessarily because I write really slow. After all, I wrote 50k in less than a month in NaNoWriMo.

The thing was, I just didn’t care that much about the story I was writing. I had to force myself to write it, and although I assigned myself multiple due dates, I didn’t really finish it before any of them.  I finally told myself, "Okay, I’m going to finish it in the next week."

And then I wrote around 10k in three days. (And to the people who can write that in one day: HOW DO YOU DO IT. TEACH ME.)

All this to say: of course, you shouldn’t work on a story that you don’t love, that you’re not passionate about. (That should probably be common sense.)

But what if you have to? What if you don’t have a choice but to write this story? (Please, don’t ever put yourself in this scenario.) Or what if you’ve just lost interest in your story? What if you used to love your story, but just . . . got bored?

Here are a couple ideas that might reinvigorate your love:

(and no, this is not because Valentine's Day was Thursday. It's coincidence, I promise.)

Switch POVs. In my story (we'll just call it Story for the sake of this post), the POV switches four times. During two of those POVs, I could barely bring myself to write it. So whenever I finally got to the end of a POV, it was like a breath of fresh air.

If your story needs something different, maybe switch things up. Is there a side character who could have an interesting perspective on the scene? Or maybe your villain might have something to say. . . .

Add a new character. I reached a point in Story when I just didn’t care about what happened to my main character, so I added a mysterious, conflicted character in. BOOM. Instant interest.

Now, obviously, you shouldn’t do this EVERY time you get bored. But if you’re not sure where the plot should go, maybe a character can help you get somewhere interesting.

Add a plot twist. After all, if you’re surprised, the reader will be too! Granted, this may mean that you have to go back and edit your novel. But! If you really want to make your story cohesive, you’re going to have to eventually.

Take a short break. If your unmotivation is because you’re burning yourself out, stop. Step away from the project. When you feel refueled, come back. I promise, it’ll still be there.

If you have a time limit in which you have to do your project - don’t take too long of a break. But don’t stress out during your break either. You’ll do better work with a clear head.

Go back to the beginning. Why did you begin this in the first place? (If you had no choice, just pretend that you did.) Rediscover why you began doing it in the first place. Was it a plot line? A character? Everything?

Don’t go through the same scene multiple times in your head. I do this all the time. Whenever I get a new scene idea, I literally go through it so many times that I get sick of it. Not a recommended method. If you’ve come up with a scene that makes you squeal and fan girl endlessly . . . don’t think about it endlessly. (If you’re a plotter, this advice may not work for you. But for pantsers or plantsers, we don’t like to know everything, so keep some loose ends in your scene, just in case.)

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Yeah, sorry, this is a very disjointed post. I’m currently running on five hours of sleep and don’t have time for a creative topic or pictures. I do promise that next week WILL be back to normal. Don’t worry. :)

But in the meantime, have a great week! (AND WHO’S EXCITED FOR HTTYD 3 HITTING THEATERS??)

-Nicole

I’m back, everyone! *explodes onto the blogosphere with dark chocolate* For everyone who was excited that I was taking a hiatus: TOO BAD FOR YOU, BECAUSE I’M BAAAACK! *evil laughter*

Okay, okay, joking aside, I did say in my last post that I would tell you guys why I’ve been on hiatus. Part of it was because I really had to get a writing project done (it was due at the end of January), and I needed to focus all my attention on that.

But . . .

There’s another reason why I was gone. And to explain properly, I need to open myself up a bit more than I’m comfortable with. Because this is something that I’ve needed to get off my chest, but I’ve never been quite sure how.

I’ve mentioned it before. It’s this little thing called “self-doubt.”

so yes, this is going to be one of those “raw post” things that keep floating around the Internet. Bear with me here, I’m not quite sure how to do this yet.



I feel like self-doubt isn’t something that people actively talk about. Usually, it’s depression, or social anxiety - which, don’t get me wrong, that’s a great thing to talk about! It’s awesome to see people finding the courage to talk about their struggles with these things. But I always felt somewhat isolated in the self-doubt department.

Lately, I’ve begun watching The Flash (no spoilers in the comments! I’ve only seen the first couple episodes), and one of the things that I love about it is that Barry doubts himself constantly. For me, he is one of the first characters that I’ve seen who really struggles with it, and those parts where his self-doubt showed through resonated with me on a deeper level.

come on, you knew a Flash GIF was necessary

I mentioned in my 2018 wrap-up post that I’d been having a lot of self-doubt issues last year. A lot of it was geared towards my aspiring writing career and just that area of my life in general. I still feel like a lot of those insecurities are still lurking in the back of my mind, but for now, they’re pushed so far back that they don’t regularly come up anymore.

You see, for me, there are two types of doubt. There’s the healthy doubt that comes up, the healthy bit of nervousness. This type of doubt can actually be quite helpful, as it can help you focus on what’s important and reassess what’s important. I have this doubt when I’m thinking through what homework I have.

Then there’s the other kind of doubt, and this is the one that pretends to be like the first kind, but always turns out to be more malicious. This is the one that leaves you crying in your bedroom as soon as you come inside because you’re scared of the future, scared that what you’re doing right now is so utterly wrong, you’ll never be able to come back from it.

This is the kind of doubt I’ve been having for just under a year now. It takes everything you’ve done wrong and shoves it back in your face. It makes you think that maybe what you’ve been set on for a long time is bad, and wrong, and associated with it everything negative.

I’m not sure what causes this - at least for me. It’s probably a lot of different things combined into one: indecisiveness, fear, and a need of validation. But it’s not just something you can shake off. Believe me. I tried. A lot.


When I took a step back and seriously looked at my life, I realized that my self-doubt has permeated a lot of areas in my life that I had thought were perfectly fine. One of the major ones was my personal opinions.

(Note: in the rest of this post, when I say “opinions,” I’m talking about really insignificant opinions, like what books I like, and not “what are your beliefs about God, the universe, and everything that could give you an existensial crisis.”)

I noticed that whenever I would talk to people, and they would voice an opinion that I already had a stance on . . . well, the conversation would go a little something like this:

PERSON: Oh, I hate Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief! That book is just plain awful.
ME: *thinking, “Wait a second. Oh shoot. They hate that book. But - I like it. WHAT DO I SAY???”*
ME: Oh, *cough*, um, well, I can see why you think that . . . *changes topic of conversation*
Later
ME: *reading Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief*
ME: but wait, what if they’re right, and this book really is trash?
ME: well, I guess since they think so, I should think so too!

Yes, I know, this thought process sounds really stupid, and yes, it’s a little exaggerated. But I think you get the picture.


I feel like I have to conform my opinions to what everyone else thinks. And it’s a really weird feeling, to look at a couple books on your bookshelf and be unsure about what you should think about them, just because someone voiced a differing opinion.

Again, part of this is self-doubt, and part of this is my non-confrontational attitude. But I always doubt whether my opinion is “right” or not.

And that’s why I went on hiatus; I needed to get away from as many opinions as I could, so I could figure out what I truly did like and dislike. 

So, before I close this really angsty and depressing post, I want to say this:

I didn’t write this so that I would get attention. I wrote this because this is the post I needed last year, when the worst of my self-doubt was hitting me. If anyone else is going through something like my experience, here’s a couple things that might help:

-Pray. God knows what He’s doing with your life. Just trust him. I promise, He will reveal His plan to you in due time. You just have to wait.

-Journal/Do some sort of self-examination. Just allow yourself to breathe, get away from everything, and just write what you feel like writing. Be who God wanted you to be. Journaling was how I released my uncertainty.

-Talk to someone. I really really wish that I had talked to someone specifically about this. But I still asked people I trusted for advice about issues relating to my self-doubt, and those talks always made me feel just a little more confident in what I was doing.

-Don’t expect immediate results. Seriously, as much as people say “You can reinvent yourself!” any change will take a while to settle in. I still have to check myself and say, “No, wait, you’re letting their opinions dominate your opinions. Stop it.”

-Know this: You can’t always trust yourself, but you CAN always trust God.

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Well, if you made it all the way to the end of this post, congratulations! *deep breath*

As far as I can see, my hiatus is over for now. I’ve got some exciting things planned (including next week’s post, which will FINALLY be writing related!).

But I’m back! And I can’t wait!

-Nicole