Happy Sunday!

Yes, I did just name this post after a Newsies lyric. I might quote it again later. I might not. ;)

ANYways, today I wanted to get a little bit more serious. I haven't really shared a "serious," "personal" post in a while. And like the title says, there are going to be some changes around here.

But first, I have to expose some personal information.

*gasps*

also, prepare for rambles. lots of them. 

I don't really talk about what grade of school I'm in. It's always felt kind of personal, and I'm very paranoid about internet stalkers.

But I'm going to tell you today:

In four days, I start my first day as a college freshman.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I am experiencing utter terror. 

College has always been this far-off thing for me. As I went through grade school, I had the mindset that college was a lifetime away, that I'd never really reach it.

Quarantine hasn't helped that mindset either. Real life seems so far away right now. Heck, I can barely remember the last time I stepped inside an actual school. XD

And now I leave in four days.

I've been thinking about college a lot this summer [read: freaking out]. And I really wanted this summer to be The Most Amazing Perfect Send-Off Ever. So at the beginning of April, I spontaneously wrote out a list of goals I wanted to achieve before I left.

One thing about spontaneous goals: I usually regret making them a few days later. And I'll usually change them.

But I almost never achieve them. 

I wanted to write the entire Inhumans duology this summer. Then I decided to write an entirely different book (which you can learn about here).

I wanted to start learning Japanese. But I stuck with Korean, the language with which I have slightly more experience. and then I ditched learning a language a few weeks in anyways, so it didn't really matter

I wanted to reread all my Middle-earth books. Here we are, and I have read mayyyybe fifty pages of the Fellowship of the Ring?

And I wanted to start a YouTube channel. *starts laughing* Yeah, Past Me didn't really anticipate what Crushing Comparisons can do to a person. And it wasn't like I had any extra time for it anyways. although I miiiiight be uploading a badly-shot-and-edited vid soon, sooooo yeah ;)

However.

Looking back on those goals, I don't regret failing over half of them. (Out of my nine goals, I really only achieved two.) I don't regret it at all.

You want to know what I learned during the last 100 or so days of trying to complete these goals?

I learned that it's really hard to edit videos on the iPad iMovie software.

I learned that learning an instrument requires time, practice, and the willingness to let your fingers hurt.

I learned that late nights can be fantastic - in moderation.

I learned that spontaneous trips with friends are the best kinds of trips.

I learned that I'm not the most talented person in the world, and that's okay.

I learned that working hard isn't the worst thing to ever happen to you.

But the biggest thing I learned?

I cannot live without creating some kind of story - whether it's writing novels, playing music, or journaling about my favorite characters. I don't feel right unless I'm telling stories. And honestly, that is the validation that I needed. Not that I was some super-talented writer or anything like that.

Because if I've got that need to create, I will create. Even if it's bad or cringey or amateur-level. And at some point, I will get better.

What does any of that last part have to do with college? honestly, I don't know either, but let me try to come up with a transition anyway

For the longest time, I thought that I had to be perfect when I went to college. I had to have everything together, because everyone else would. I had to be a perfect writer, a perfect student, a perfect person. And my last summer had to be picture-perfect. Right?

Yeah, I'm finally realizing that this is not how the world works. The odds that all my classmates have everything together are practically nonexistent. In fact, literally no one has it together. I am not the odd one out here. And let's not even talk about how 2020 threw all our picture-perfect dreams out the window and blew them up.

But a part of me still feels that way, that I'm not good enough to go to college.

*shrugs* Yeah, it sounds pretty stupid, but you should hear the other stupid stuff my brain comes up with. Especially late at night. XD

I wish I could have a definitive ending statement about that, a nice and easy sentence wrapping up my thoughts. But my thoughts are anything but wrapped up right now. I don't know how this is going to go, or how it's going to end. We'll just have to watch what happens, I guess.

And now the part that you really care about. What changes will come to this blog?

*sigh* I don't know. I really don't know, guys. I have 0 clue how much time I'll have to write blog posts in college. One of my goals was to prewrite all my fall semester posts.

That was not one of the two goals I accomplished. XD

I can tell you this much: there won't be a post next Sunday. I'd like to have one less thing to worry about as I experience my first weekend away from home.

After that . . . we'll see. Who knows, maybe I'll post YouTube videos, maybe I'll be more active on my Instagram, or maybe I'll just disappear from the Internet and make you all think I'm dead. although as far as I know, that contact form I have on the side still works. and my Instagram DMs are always open - I do check those <3

And yes, I know the season for hiatuses was last month, but I've always been fashionably late to everything. ;) so what else is new?

Anyways, with any luck, I'll be back to posting again by the end of the month. We'll just have to wait and see.

But even if it takes a few months, I'll be back here. I love you guys too much not to. <3 <3

-Nicole <3

So (if you're comfortable with sharing) who's going to college? Anyone else have issues with setting spontaneous goals? What are your plans for this school year? Let's talk! <3

THE PLOT OF PROJECT CHAOS:

KARINA

the main character

exploration // outer strength // pranks // Strong Independent Woman // hide the pain // pink everblooming flowers // You Don't Know Me // considerable trust issues // giftless but has Personality

Karina got cabin fever on day 1 of quarantine. She FaceTimes at least three people a day, for hours at a time. And when she's not FaceTiming, she's intruding on her brother Morten's privacy. (But hey, that's what happens when he locks himself in his room for hours on end.)

However, does she do online schooling? . . . Of course not. Ever since her school announced that the last semester would not affect her overall GPA, she hasn't even looked at the coursework, much less thought about it. Instead, she spends her days yearning to go outside and talk with people.

And yeah, sometimes she sneaks out of the house - with a mask - and explores the woods outside of her house. But to be fair, they're not that crowded (at least, not anymore).

MORTEN

Karina's brother, the nerd, and the morally upright

books are better than people // constantly worried // brother or babysitter? // why did Karina drag me into this // safety // too smart for his own good // illusion-creating gift

Morten isn't having a horrible time with quarantine. He's found that he prefers online schooling to in-person schooling, although he's been struggling with the technology piece. Why can't teachers mail him the necessary materials instead of using the Internet? He much prefers using his textbook, rather than Zoom lectures.

But he's been studying and learning more than ever before! Since fishing isn't really an option right now, reading has taken priority. He read thirty nonfiction books last week alone. And he's also been taking handwritten notes (his favorite) for a research project he's working on. No, the research project isn't required for school. It's just for fun.

All his friends think that Morten has dropped off the face of the earth because he hasn't contacted them at all since quarantine started. He's just fine with that.

And by the way, don't mention the word "coronavirus" near him, because he's legitimately terrified of it. It's the other reason why he won't leave his room.

LYSANDER

the mom friend

charism // honesty always // rebel // popular yet alone // Daddy Issues 1.0 // soldier // almost isn't good enough // lie detecting gift

The minute online schooling was announced, Lysander went immediately to his Passion Planner and planned out the next three months of life, along with setting up a new daily routine. Unlike a bunch of his fellow classmates whose lives become disorganized and chaotic, HIS life is scheduled out to the minute. From waking up at 4:30 AM and doing a rigorous exercise routine, to getting homework done the day it's assigned (getting straight As in the process), Lysander has Got It Together.

But Karina's FaceTimes keep throwing off this schedule, and it annoys him to no end. Even though he loves talking with her, he urges her to FaceTime at 5 PM precisely, rather than picking random times throughout the day. She doesn't listen.

On the other hand, Lysander wishes that his father didn't have to work at home, because now he's stuck with Towering Expectations constantly. Despite his busy schedule, his father still thinks he can do more and insists that he do all the chores of the house. All of them.

Lysander didn't plan for this.

SYLVE

the cynic

bitter // sarcastic beyond belief // super-powerful and deserves it // outspoken // analytical // never gives up // competitive // ice gift

Sylve believes that the virus is completely political, and so she's taken to Twitter to scream at people constantly. She got 2k followers on her first day, but also a lot of hate comments. She takes great pride in being salty in replies to said hate comments, claiming that she's "outspoken."

In between her Twitter usage, she spends her days watching a ton of YouTube videos and starting all the TV shows she meant to watch, but never did. She only does the bare minimum for her classes because there are more important social issues to attend to!

She also got a kitten that she loves with all her heart. Its name is Misty.

IRIS

the ray of sunshine + cinnamon roll #1

family life // glass half-full // blood-stained hands // regeneration gift // a smile with secrets attached

Iris's mental health has really gone off the deep end. Her typically happy-go-lucky attitude is replaced with tears and gloom when she's alone. So she makes sure that she's almost never alone. She spends a lot of time with her siblings, of which there are many, helping them with schoolwork as best she can. She attends all her Zoom classes - not because she cares about the class, but because she needs that human interaction.

But when she can't talk with anybody, she plays some happy pop music and practices sewing and handlettering! She's been meaning to try them for forever, but she's never gotten the chance.

She's not particularly afraid of the virus: she's never once gotten sick, due to her amazing immune system. The only reason she stays indoors is because no one else will go out with her. And Karina doesn't go walking in the woods as much anymore.

ASPEN

#authorfavorite + the quiet one + cinnamon roll #2

innocent yet guilty // tree hugger // silent even when spoken to // scars // pain? all too familiar // fiercely loyal // staring at the stars

Aspen has basically quarantined his entire life, so he makes no adjustment in his schedule. In fact, he's so comfortable with quarantine that Lysander feels compelled to FaceTime him every day to make sure that Aspen hasn't become one with his bedroom.

He spends most of the day tending to the myriad of plants he grows in his bedroom. He has names for them all, but he doesn't tell them to anyone - names are personal things, after all! Otherwise, he takes naps and does a lot of thinking. He only does schoolwork when he's bored.

Two months in, his siblings force him to get a job at a grocery store to help pay the bills, and he's absolutely miserable. He doesn't mind wearing masks, as it gives him a sense of anonymity, but the small talk he has to take part in absolutely kills him.

Aspen has no idea what's happening in the rest of the world. He stopped looking at the news three years ago and never looked back.

KAI

the angsty one

wanderer // what is a normal life? I want one // can beat you up without a gift // singing away sadness // could honestly be a faerie, considering how much he knows about them // Brooding Bad Boy with a Mysterious Past

Kai decided to start a one-man band featuring himself. He started learning electric guitar and bought a drum kit off of Amazon. Lately, he's been writing super-emo songs with titles such as "Bleeding For You" and "Darkness of the Sword." He thinks he's being poetic. No one has the heart to tell him that his sounds sound like trash.

He tried to FaceTime Karina at 1 AM a few times, but she's since blocked him.

Kai doesn't think the virus is that big of a deal. He's been advocating for places to reopen since day one. And he thinks he's being edgy by not wearing a mask. But all he does is get strange looks from Wal-Mart employees because his dark hair is curling past his shoulders and he doesn't ever put it in a ponytail.
*deep breath*

If you made it through all of that, THANK YOU. That was a lot of characters, but I genuinely enjoyed spending 67k words with them. except not Kai. I don't like Kai. we have a very love-hate relationship

I don't really know what I'm going to do next in my writing life. I have some ideas, but nothing certain yet. One thing's for sure, though: Project Chaos is going on the back burner for the next few months.

Now excuse me while I proceed to collapse from sleep deprivation.

-Nicole <3

What would your characters do in quarantine? How's your writing going? Let's talk all things writing!!