There's Change Coming, Once and For All . . .

August 16, 2020

Happy Sunday!

Yes, I did just name this post after a Newsies lyric. I might quote it again later. I might not. ;)

ANYways, today I wanted to get a little bit more serious. I haven't really shared a "serious," "personal" post in a while. And like the title says, there are going to be some changes around here.

But first, I have to expose some personal information.


also, prepare for rambles. lots of them. 

I don't really talk about what grade of school I'm in. It's always felt kind of personal, and I'm very paranoid about internet stalkers.

But I'm going to tell you today:

In four days, I start my first day as a college freshman.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I am experiencing utter terror

College has always been this far-off thing for me. As I went through grade school, I had the mindset that college was a lifetime away, that I'd never really reach it.

Quarantine hasn't helped that mindset either. Real life seems so far away right now. Heck, I can barely remember the last time I stepped inside an actual school. XD

And now I leave in four days.

I've been thinking about college a lot this summer [read: freaking out]. And I really wanted this summer to be The Most Amazing Perfect Send-Off Ever. So at the beginning of April, I spontaneously wrote out a list of goals I wanted to achieve before I left.

One thing about spontaneous goals: I usually regret making them a few days later. And I'll usually change them.

But I almost never achieve them. 

I wanted to write the entire Inhumans duology this summer. Then I decided to write an entirely different book (which you can learn about here).

I wanted to start learning Japanese. But I stuck with Korean, the language with which I have slightly more experience. and then I ditched learning a language a few weeks in anyways, so it didn't really matter

I wanted to reread all my Middle-earth books. Here we are, and I have read mayyyybe fifty pages of the Fellowship of the Ring?

And I wanted to start a YouTube channel. *starts laughing* Yeah, Past Me didn't really anticipate what Crushing Comparisons can do to a person. And it wasn't like I had any extra time for it anyways. although I miiiiight be uploading a badly-shot-and-edited vid soon, sooooo yeah ;)


Looking back on those goals, I don't regret failing over half of them. (Out of my nine goals, I really only achieved two.) I don't regret it at all.

You want to know what I learned during the last 100 or so days of trying to complete these goals?

I learned that it's really hard to edit videos on the iPad iMovie software.

I learned that learning an instrument requires time, practice, and the willingness to let your fingers hurt.

I learned that late nights can be fantastic - in moderation.

I learned that spontaneous trips with friends are the best kinds of trips.

I learned that I'm not the most talented person in the world, and that's okay.

I learned that working hard isn't the worst thing to ever happen to you.

But the biggest thing I learned?

I cannot live without creating some kind of story - whether it's writing novels, playing music, or journaling about my favorite characters. I don't feel right unless I'm telling stories. And honestly, that is the validation that I needed. Not that I was some super-talented writer or anything like that.

Because if I've got that need to create, I will create. Even if it's bad or cringey or amateur-level. And at some point, I will get better.

What does any of that last part have to do with college? honestly, I don't know either, but let me try to come up with a transition anyway

For the longest time, I thought that I had to be perfect when I went to college. I had to have everything together, because everyone else would. I had to be a perfect writer, a perfect student, a perfect person. And my last summer had to be picture-perfect. Right?

Yeah, I'm finally realizing that this is not how the world works. The odds that all my classmates have everything together are practically nonexistent. In fact, literally no one has it together. I am not the odd one out here. And let's not even talk about how 2020 threw all our picture-perfect dreams out the window and blew them up.

But a part of me still feels that way, that I'm not good enough to go to college.

*shrugs* Yeah, it sounds pretty stupid, but you should hear the other stupid stuff my brain comes up with. Especially late at night. XD

I wish I could have a definitive ending statement about that, a nice and easy sentence wrapping up my thoughts. But my thoughts are anything but wrapped up right now. I don't know how this is going to go, or how it's going to end. We'll just have to watch what happens, I guess.

And now the part that you really care about. What changes will come to this blog?

*sigh* I don't know. I really don't know, guys. I have 0 clue how much time I'll have to write blog posts in college. One of my goals was to prewrite all my fall semester posts.

That was not one of the two goals I accomplished. XD

I can tell you this much: there won't be a post next Sunday. I'd like to have one less thing to worry about as I experience my first weekend away from home.

After that . . . we'll see. Who knows, maybe I'll post YouTube videos, maybe I'll be more active on my Instagram, or maybe I'll just disappear from the Internet and make you all think I'm dead. although as far as I know, that contact form I have on the side still works. and my Instagram DMs are always open - I do check those <3

And yes, I know the season for hiatuses was last month, but I've always been fashionably late to everything. ;) so what else is new?

Anyways, with any luck, I'll be back to posting again by the end of the month. We'll just have to wait and see.

But even if it takes a few months, I'll be back here. I love you guys too much not to. <3 <3

-Nicole <3

So (if you're comfortable with sharing) who's going to college? Anyone else have issues with setting spontaneous goals? What are your plans for this school year? Let's talk! <3

You Might Also Like


  1. aww you're going to do great in college! it's always scary leaving, and the first night away from home is always the worst. 😘. praying for you!

    1. Aw, thank you so much! <3 <3 <3 (yeah, the first night was pretty rough, but you were right, it did get better :D)

  2. Awwww, Nicole! *ALL THE HUGS* This post had SO many truths. I totally feel you on trying to Get Your Life Together and thinking everyone else already has. But, just as you said, NO ONE has their life together. Especially right now, gracious. o.o There is no perfect person out there. We're all And the most important thing is being who God created US to be, embracing OURSELVES and knowing our strengths and weaknesses. I think that's when everything starts falling into place. And remembering our worth doesn't come from all the things we accomplish (#guilty), but who we are. And YOU are an absolutely amazing, creative, beautiful person, and you are going to rock this college thing.

    I will absolutely be praying for you as you step into this new chapter of your life. God's got amazing plans for you, Nicole. Just keep being your amazing self! <3

    1. *ALL THE HUGS TO YOU* Oh, goodness, you're so right about no one Having It Together, especially now. And your point about our worth in God is just <3333.

      Aw, thank you, Christine! Your kind words literally make my day. :D <3

  3. Oh, I hope your college transition goes well! It's a tough time to be making a big transition like that.
    Also, I totally feel you on the "need" to be perfect before big transitions...but that's a goal that never can be accomplished!
    I'm heading to college next year (dealing with applications right now *slams head on table*) and am already nervous about it...but I probably need to stop looking ahead that far, and focus on my last year of high school!

    1. Thank you, Samantha! So far, it's been good. :D
      That's so true - it is the ultimate unachievable goal!
      Good luck with college applications!!! You've got this - and you're absolutely correct. Just focus on your last year of high school. If I learned anything from this year, it's that we should focus on the time we're in right now, because it'll be gone before too long. . . .

  4. I AM SO EXCITED THAT WE'RE STARTING COLLEGE TOGETHER. <33 And also completely terrified, so you're definitely not alone there. xD

    Hey, you got farther than I did: I was going to make a "before college to-do list" but never even got the list started. xD I totally get the desire for a "perfect send-off summer", though, and to be perfect in general. College is a big deal, yeah?? A big Adult thing?? And I'd like to think I'll be a little more put together for it than I was during my high school years because let me tell you, that was a mess. xD BUT all in all, I can only give my best. Maybe I'll fall right into place as a college student, maybe I'll spend the entirety of the college experience flailing and wailing over everything I have to do. We'll see. xD But I know I'll make it through, and it won't last forever. (It's only a passing thing, this shadow...)

    I'm praying for you, my friend! <33 WE CAN DO THIS.

    1. SO AM I. <3 <3 <3 Haha, that's good to know XD

      Haha, that's okay - I think those lists are probably overrated anyways. ;) But hey, doing your best is really all you can do. but YOU'VE GOT THIS. *starts crying over that quote* *why is it so beautiful*

      Praying for you too! *high-fives* WE WILL CONQUER THIS COLLEGE THING

  5. Nicole, I didn't realize that you were in the class of 2020! First, congrats on all that you've worked through!! This was tough for all of you. <3 That feeling of not knowing enough? So real, so relatable. I love that you know that you feel this and are trying to defeat that because you are 100% worthy!!! <33 Good luck!!!

  6. Good luck! <3 God got you all the way. :)

  7. Wow, you're going to college? Good luck. I hope you have fun.
    What you said in this post is so true. I've always struggled with feeling like I had to be perfect (not before college, it's still a few years away for me) but just for life in general.
    And, yes, I can't not create stories. XD. I admire that you can make music, though. I tried violin lessons a few years ago and......let's just say my parents were glad I decided to quit.

    1. Thank you, McKayla! I'll do my best.
      Yeah, that struggle of perfection is brutal, but you can keep pushing through it! <3
      Honestly, violin is a super-hard instrument to learn in general - it just may not have been your instrument. I admire that you even tried it! That's something I could never do. :D

  8. Aw, Nicole, good luck with college!! Totally understand you taking a break to deal with that transition. You'll do great. I'm going into my junior year of college next week (gosh I'm so OLD), so welcome to the college kids club. *high five*

    Also. I TOTALLY feel ya on the incomplete summer goals list. Back in May, I made in my journal a list of things I wanted to do this summer. I think I've done four out of fourteen? Heh. But then, on the back of that page, I kept a list of unplanned fun things that happened this summer; and it's been really cool to see that one grow in defiance of the plans I'd made for these three or four months. I guess the moral is, God has better things in store for us than anything we could come up with!

    How's that verse go from Jeremiah? "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord; plans for good, and not for evil; plans to give you a future full of hope."

    God bless you, my dear, and enjoy this adventure He's sending you on! :)

    1. Thank you so much, Megan! (you are SO not old) *high-fives* glad to be part of the college kids club! XD

      Wow, that's such an interesting way to go about it! I love that you wrote down the spontaneous events that happened over the summer. God really does make better plans than us! :D

      I love that verse so much! I've got it on my desk and it's such an encouragement to remember that He knows what He's doing.

      Thank you so much, and good luck with your junior year during this insane time! :)

  9. you're gonna do great in college! sadly, i have three years until college, and a lot of my blogger friends are in it ): i also have a problem with spontaneous goals, it's such a bad habit, lol.


    1. Aw, thank you Kenzie! Hey, treasure your time in high school - it's a good four years. <3 haha, yessss, spontaneous habits are . . . um . . . interesting. XD

      (also, I don't remember seeing you around the comment section before? pardon me if I'm wrong - I've been out of the blogosphere for a while. but if you're new, WELCOME!!!!! *chocolate party* and if you're not new, WELCOME ANYWAYS *yet more chocolate*)

  10. Best of luck with it all! I know your going to do amazing!
    You got this!

  11. You're going to do great at college!! You've totally got this! I'll be praying as you make the transition. I can't even imagine how difficult it is to start a whole new phase of life in the middle of Covid. Like, I'm so impressed by all the kids doing this thing even though it's nothing like what they imagined it would be.

    Also, I'm so excited that you started a YouTube channel!!

    All the best to you as you move on to this next chapter of life!

  12. whoa, so fantastic! I'm thinking of taking some sort of journalism course this fall. Along with classes on economics, politics, philosophy, literature ... uhhh so much I want to do. I think I'm finally ready for some college ;p


  13. Good luck with collage!! I hope I get my life together and take some collage courses this year, I'm not sure yet. I know I'm starting some new things in the next few months that are a bit scary for me.
    Take it one day at a time and keep making stories!!!


Welcome to the comment section! I love hearing what you guys think and seeing you guys talk. Just remember to keep it clean, and as always, check back for my replies! <3