Am I Back? . . . It's Complicated // a rambly, disjointed happenings post

July 25, 2021

Happy Sunday!

It's been a hot minute since I wrote a blog post that wasn't a book review or blog tour. There's nothing wrong with those posts, don't get me wrong, but for some reason they don't feel the same? *shrugs* I don't know. 

It's been an interesting few months - super busy and stressful, but also with joyful moments. A lot has happened, and every time I try to write a post summarizing it, I feel tired. I've been tired a lot lately. XD

But here goes nothing. 

I finished up my second semester of college in May! It was full of late-night McDonalds trips, five a.m. mornings struggling to plow through homework, and FaceTime/Discord calls with friends and family. I read Unlocked in one day, watched way too much anime, and discovered the amazing online planning system known as Notion. 

Then there were the days where I stared at my laptop screen for hours at a time, begging my brain to work so I could write my paper. The days where I missed home with a desperate longing. The days my mental health decided to drop off the deep end.

But I survived finals mostly intact. I made some incredible memories. And honestly, I don't regret anything that happened. This was a pretty great semester. Here's to sophomore year! oh no now I'm thinking about school again, help

I started working two jobs when school ended, which has been incredibly stressful. The remnants of motivation to write, blog, and read almost disappeared completely. (They had already been low from college. XD) My mental health reached a questionable place, and some days all I could do was struggle out of bed.

But then, this summer has had its highs too - in the small moments. In the car drive with my best friend when I wanted to escape my house for a little while. In chaotic Discord conversations. In the FMA album that AmaLee released a month ago that has literally gotten me through the rough days. 

I started editing the Inhumans and first-drafting a brand-new idea. I started watching literally six new anime not counting the few I was already watching and I have finished none of them. To get myself out of my book slump, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to read a 1000 page book. Spoiler alert: it doesn't really work. XD

Last weekend, I attended Realm Makers, which was, hands-down, the best weekend of my life. It was truly a Godsend, a bright spot in an otherwise pretty depressing week. To everyone I met there - you are all beautiful, creative people. I miss you all dearly <3 

(And to everyone I wasn't able to meet: I miss you all dearly as well. I cannot WAIT for the day when we can meet in-person <3)

I'm hoping to get a RM recap post up here soon - it's going to be huge, so brace yourself XD.

And now we're to the present day, as I'm recovering from my second wisdom teeth surgery. 

Coming back to blogging feels . . . weird, honestly? 

A part of me doesn't feel like the same person who used to blog here. That girl feels so different. She read books voraciously; I can barely get through a book. She would never have touched a horror/thriller story; one of my favorite reads of this year is technically classified as "horror" although I will fight against that classification because I wasn't scared at all. She had great hope that her mental health would never decline like it did a few years ago; now here I am, probably in a worse place than she was that first time.

A part of me wants to move to Wordpress because I've been liking their design more and more, and I feel like I need a fresh start. But also, I'm not quite ready to give up this space, and honestly, I'm still figuring out branding stuff™.

A part of me is scared to come back to blogging, because I started this blog as a book and faith blog. And while I have no intention to stop writing about my faith, I've barely read anything all year. And the things I have read aren't necessarily things I would recommend. *sigh*

So here we are. I have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going with what I post. I promise, it won't all be anime, despite my current love of the medium. I don't know if I'll post consistently, because college drains all my creative energy. I don't know if I'll ever get around to making that fandom video - although if it doesn't happen this year, it will happen at some point.

The long and short of it is: I have no idea what's going to happen in the coming months. Most likely this blog will just be chaotic, in nearly every sense of the word.

But Legend of a Writer is not shutting down for good. Not yet. And hopefully not ever. Because although it may feel weird to be blogging again, I've missed this so much.

And if you're here, reading this, despite my sporadic posting over the past year . . . thank you. Seriously. You all are why I started blogging, and even if you drift away and don't read anymore, you're still the reason I continue. <3

So, maybe, I'll see you next week. *shrugs* I guess we'll find out.

-Nicole <3

How have you been the last few months? Any blog posts you want to see from me? Let's talk!

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  1. It's so good to hear from you, Nicole! <3

    That makes me happy to hear that you had a good semester. And how thrilling you're heading toward your Sophomore year! With that said, I'm so, so sorry you're struggling with mental health right now. It really is hard to keep up with things we created when we were bright-eyed, bushy-tailed teenagers. I've been struggling with the same. I've had to cut back on my blogging schedule as well. But, you know, that's OKAY. There is no reason we should have to keep up with things we did when we were younger. I have definitely been learning lately to let go, and to EMBRACE the changes of life, and shift my schedule and interests to match each new season. As someone who is a bit of a stickler to sticking to the same routine, this has been really, really hard for me. XD But, at the same time, it's been good. Really good. Letting go and embracing who I am NOW, not trying to cling to who I used to be has been so...freeing.

    So all that blabbering to say. It's okay if you can't blog as much. It's okay if your content changes. You don't have to be who you once were, we love you for who you are!

    Thank you so much for sharing an update with us and opening up to what all is going one. You're in my prayers, dear friend. I do hope you have an absolutely wonderful rest of your summer. *HUGS*

  2. It's so good to see you again! Girl, I UNDERSTAND. I feel like you summed up my entire mindset over the last few months x_x even down to the two jobs. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me! <3

  3. Hey girl, I feel ya. I read old posts of mine from back in the day and I'm like...what happened to the spark I had back then??

    But hang in there. It's not gone, it's just under the ashes.

  4. Sounds like you've been super busy. I'm here for whatever you want to write about.
    Especially if it's anime ;) I've started quite a few lately too.
    It's normal to change your tastes as you age. I used to shy away from horror/thriller books and movies, but I've been enjoying them a lot too.

  5. *BIG HUGS*

    I'm sorry to hear you've had some not-so-great times lately. <3 But also so glad that you had a great semester and made good memories!! It's so wonderful to have those bright spots in the middle of an otherwise rough patch.

    It's absolutely okay if your blog changes with you! I totally relate to the struggles of barely being able to get through a book anymore, and the frustration of wanting to do MORE and lacking the energy. But I'm learning to adjust and be kind to myself and don't let all that suck the joy out of living. (and hey, what's wrong with a chaotic blog? XD)

    Whatever's in the future for this blog, just know we'll always be here for you, and it's okay to rest and shift and grow and I'll be praying for you through all of it! <3 And here's to another great semester of college! *okay but I'm actually already dying inside and would much rather just stay in my room than go back oops*

  6. I MISSED YOUR POSTS!!! <3 I totally get what it feels like to come back and feel like a complete stranger to your own's a weird feeling. I'm in the process of re-branding my blog as well, trying to make it a littler more like the me I am now, ya know? But anyways I'm so glad I'll get to read at least the occasional post from you. It feels weird I KNOW, but it's also really nice to feel like you have a fresh start. Can't wait to see what you'd decide to do int eh future!!

  7. I'm so sorry about the mental health struggles, and I understand completely how weird it feels to try to come back to blogging after a life-changing first year of college. I'm in the same boat with that. <3 I'm praying for you - and I'm still here!! I love this blog so much, and I love YOU so much.

  8. I feel this. It's hard to blog like you used to when you're having mental issues and life is draining you more than before. It's a strange feeling, isn't it? And While I was reading this, I got a sudden urge to finish my blog post that I started but didn't because time and energy. So yeah I get the "missing this" feeling.
    The small moments are my life now. It's sad but beautiful at the same time. I guess it's because I'm not taking life for granted anymore and yet it is so difficult that there's hardly any big moments. Something like that. I'm rambling a bit here. XD
    Also I'll stick around as long as you do. :) I'll be praying for you! <3 <3 <3


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